Just Another Night At The Doublemeat Dungeon
by sakuruth
Summary: Attempt at a pseudo-comic vignette set mid/late season six, after Doublemeat Palace. B/S implied. Buffy finishes another day at work, and has an encounter that makes her think - possibly something Buffy-Brain wasn't designed to do.


Buffy ducked into the locker room with a sigh of relief. _Thank God that's over,_ she thought, _and I'll finally be getting that raise they promised. Just one more week. You can make it, Buffster. _ Mental encouragement: every Slayer's primary tool. Well, after stakes. And sharp, pointy objects in general. And magic. _But it's up there on the list, anyway, _she consoled herself.

"Uh, B-buffy. Hi." The uncomfortable voice broke through her thoughts, and she looked up to see a face that only a mother could love.

_Oh. Him_. "Hi-" _Damn. What's his name? Come on, Buffy, the day hasn't been that long, and you've seen his nametag a dozen times today alone... Damn!_ "Uh, hi."

He brightened at her lackluster response. "How're you doing?"

She blurted out her usual, "Fine, thanks, and you?" before she thought about it. _Smooth, Buff. In case it hasn't registered, the idea is to get him to stop talking. Blondes._ She was about to retaliate to herself - the sheer illogic of that hadn't sunk in yet - when He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless-Because-Buffy-Is-An-Idiot replied.

"Good, thanks for asking. So, um, do you work here a lot?"

"Yeah, it's pretty much full time." _Um, duh. He only sees me here almost every day. Real genius. _ But this response had set off one of his tics: perpetual nodding.

His head bobbed up and down. "Oh, cool. Do you, like, go to school or anything?"

Buffy caught herself before she rolled her eyes. _Don't need to alienate the co-workers, after all._ "No, no, not any more. I used to take classes at UCSD, but not now." _Yes, very clever. Stating the obvious much? And... God, he looks like a bobble-head doll doing that. Or maybe a pigeon._ She paused in her mental byplay, considering. _Well, a pigeon with serious acne, anyhow. Do pigeons get acne? _ He'd kept talking, and Buffy snapped back to attention in time to hear the end of a comment about how awful his high school was. _You have no idea, kid,_ she scoffed.

"You're not, you know, married or anything, are you?"

_Married? Me? Yeah, right. Like that would work out. Closest I even came to an engagement was that thing with Spike._ "Uh, no, not me," she managed, with a stilted laugh.

"So, um... I guess, since you don't go to school or anything, you have, like, some free time."

Buffy eyed him warily. "Yeah, I do," she agreed, cautiously. _And it's not even a lie, sort of. I just spend most of it slaying demons. Or sleeping with them - like he'd believe me if I told him that._

"Oh. Cool. So, um, I guess I was wondering if maybe you wanted to, you know, get together after work some time and, uh, get to know each other." He looked even more nervous; his nodding had escalated to a feverish pace.

_Ease up, dude, or you're going to lose your head... Oh. Oh, he didn't just ask what I think he asked, did he?_ "Uh, what was that? Sorry, I'm a little tired." _Please, please, please..._

"Uh, I... I wanted to know if you had, um, some free time or something, you know, to get together and, like, get to know each other." 'Nervous' had escalated into full-blown 'panic' by now.

_Oh, God, he did. He... this little high school student... oh, God, he's my sister's age!_ Buffy's mind spiraled around the sheer ludicrousness of the situation, and her mouth spit out her old high school standby: "Oh, no, um, see, I'm sort of seeing somebody." _Very suave, Buff. Oh, well, anything to make him stop..._

He paused, startled, and for a moment Buffy thought his head was going to rattle right off his neck. "Oh. Oh, well, um, I thought I might have seen you with somebody, but, you know, I wasn't sure, and... Uh, sorry. Have a nice day." He scurried off.

_Rat, maybe. Do pigeons scurry? ... Focus, Buffy. Focus._ The Slayer pulled off her hat and stuffed it into her coat pocket, running a hand through her hair and grimacing. _ Note to self: shower when I get home. Again. _She left the building without further incident and began the walk home, through the graveyards.

_Great answer, Buffy. "Oh, I'm sort of seeing someone." Liar! _ she berated herself while dusting a fledgling_. Am not! _ piped up her defensive voice. _I'm seeing Spike. Sort of. Sleeping with him, anyhow. That counts for something, right? _That thought made her burst out in laughter, and she tripped over a headstone. _ Very nice, Slayer. Come on, up we go. There's a girl. Now, dust the poor little vamp who doesn't know better than to run when he has the chance. And no more thoughts of Spike. They're distracting you from your calling. _She refused to let that fact trouble her. She was the Slayer, after all. _Just wait until Dawn hears about this..._


End file.
